You have discovered the official website of Gary Canup, author of novels and short stories. I have led a diverse and eventful
life. In 1982, I climbed to the top of Mount Everest, where I opened up a McDonald's restaurant. Frankly, it is not doing
too well. Every three months or so a couple of Sherpas and a mountain goat come in for some fries, but that is about
it.
In 1927 I was running with the bulls in Pamplona when I stumbled over Ernest Hemingway and landed face-down in a cowpie.
During
World War II, I personally slapped Hitler for insulting my belt buckle. He cried like a girl.
In 1876, I was captured by
a tribe of cannibals in the Congo. After stripping me naked to prepare me for boiling, they stepped back in awe, dropped to
their knees and bowed their heads, and even today I am worshipped there as a three-legged god.
In 1895, I was tried
for declaring that Queen Victoria had a face like the hind end of a rhino. I was sentenced and thrown
into a London prison, where Oscar Wilde made me his bitch.
My outspokenness has often gotten me into trouble.
I told Mozart that Beethoven is a far better composer and he came after me with a wiener schnitzel. I told Mother Teresa
that she looked fat. I will never make that mistake again. The bitch has a temper!
I am now living the quiet life
in the Midwest, USA, where I delight the children with my Beavis and Butthead impressions.
_________
Check out the links in the
upper-right corner, which will transport you to ten short stories, a spooky novella, and two full-length novels. Three short
stories, a prologue, and twenty-five chapters are free. Yes, I am a generous guy. My primary goal is to entertain, but
if I can also move and enlighten, that's cool, too.
Warning: Though this is a literary website, certain scenes in certain
stories may not be suitable for all readers. Prudes and minors beware.
This website was launched on August 16, 2009 with the following works of fiction: Snapshot of a Lunatic; Wrestling
Time; Lady Godiva of the Suburbs; Salientia; The Fat Man, the Blond, and the Prune; The Necrophile; Crime and Punishment; Death of
a Snowflake; The Snow Wolves; Bus Ride (all short stories); Haunted Heads (a novella); Tragedy of Blood; Return to Swan Lake
(full-length novels). All text Copyright 2008 by Gary Canup. All rights reserved worldwide. All three
books have been registered with the U.S. Copyright Office.